Always With You
by Ploxy
Summary: It has been six years since Alphonse's body was restored. Edward tried to tell himself that his brother was worth so much more than the ability to perform alchemy, but as Alphonse's strength as an alchemist increased tremendously, Edward finds himself having second thoughts.
1. Chapter 1

**I don't know how long this story is going to be, and as far as fan fiction chapters go, this one might be a bit long. I hope you enjoy, and thanks for reading!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 1<strong>

Edward knocked lightly on the door. In the back of his mind, he hoped that there would be no answer. He wanted to visit, but he knew that the situation would do nothing for the feelings of inadequacy he had been experiencing as of late. He knew it wasn't their fault, but every day, he had to force himself to be happy.

Roy opened the door, and smiled. Edward was surprised that it wasn't a maid or butler who answered. "Hey there, it's been a while," he said. "Come on in. Riza went to get more sugar, and your brother isn't here yet."

Edward gave a mental sigh of relief. Maybe this visit wouldn't be as bad as he though it would be. He stepped into the Mustangs' pristine home. He had never imagined it to be as clean and as beautiful as it was. Perhaps it was all Riza's doing. Maybe Roy wanted only the best for her.

Six years prior, Edward had been stripped of the title "state alchemist". It was to be expected; if he could no longer perform alchemy, he wasn't much use. Breda and Havoc suggested that he enlist as an officer, explaining that there was no shame in being an ordinary soldier, and went further to say that, without alchemy, Edward was still a perfectly capable young man. He was just as strong and healthy, if not more so, than others who had enlisted. While Edward never looked down upon non-alchemists, he politely declined. He wished desperately that he could work alongside his old companions once again, without the pressure of having to restore his brother's body. It simply could not be, however. He couldn't bear the reminder of the person he used to be.

In spite of him no longer being an alchemist, the friends he had accumulated in the military never abandoned him, and were perhaps the most sensitive to his predicament. They knew firsthand what alchemy was to him, and what it had done to and for him. They couldn't imagine what it was like to suddenly have what had been his whole life suddenly taken from him.

Roy was in a constant state of worry for Edward. The young man certainly wore a mask well enough, but Roy knew him better. So, he went out of his way to reach out to him. He was the one who had suggested that Edward come to visit.

Edward followed Roy into the living room, which was bright with sunlight that poured in from a single window that covered almost the entirety of the wall into which it was built. In the center of the room were two leather sofas that faced each other, with a small table in between them.

Roy sat down, and gestured for Edward to do the same. "What have you been up to?" he asked. "It's not quite the same when I don't have you harassing me every day."

Edward laughed as he sat across from Roy. "Believe me, if I could bother you the way I used to, I would be more than happy to," he answered. "Life as a doctor isn't quite like the life of a state alchemist."

"Yeah, I can see that, but I hear you're the best doctor in all of Amestris. I can't say I'm surprised; you're a smart kid. Always were."

"That's quite the compliment, coming from the Fuhrer." Ed smirked.

Roy rolled his eyes. "How's that girl you told me about? I know it was a while ago, but I thought maybe you two were still seeing each other."

"I guess you could say that. She's hard to read. I can never tell if she hates me or if she's in love with me."

"You should really just tell me who she is. I can't imagine who you'd fall for."

"I'll tell you after she says 'yes' to me tonight."

Roy's eyes widened. "You're gonna propose to this girl?"

"Yeah. Wish me luck!"

Roy laughed. "Sure, but I doubt you'll need it."

"Another thing: do me a favor and keep this between the two of us. Man to man?"

"Yeah, alright."

The front door opened, and footsteps echoed throughout the house. At first, Edward thought that it was only Riza, but was soon able to pick up on the sound of steps from an extra person. He could only guess who it was.

Riza was as lovely as ever, and seemed to have had a glow about her ever since she and Roy had been married. She walked, with a cheerful stride, into the living room, with a tall young man behind her.

Alphonse looked entirely different from when his body was first restored. He had overcome his muscular atrophy, and was able to bulk himself up to a healthy and somewhat intimidating size. He had even grown taller. His powder blue shirt was stretched snugly over his chest and bulging arms; his jeans fit similarly around his thighs.

"Look who I found while I was shopping," Riza said as she and Alphonse entered the room.

Alphonse's bright smile widened as he came forward to trap Edward in a warm embrace. Edward tried his best to return the love. He had missed his brother; it had been at least two months since he had seen him. Being such a talented doctor, he was constantly swamped with patients, and meanwhile, Al was still on his journey to learn more about alkahestry and to further his already deep knowledge of alchemy. The two siblings rarely had time to see each other, not that Edward particularly wanted to see Alphonse.

Edward silently cursed himself as his brother released him. He couldn't believe that he felt so negatively towards him. He had spent so many years striving to fix what he had done, because he loved Alphonse with all of his heart. Why, then, did he also hate him the way that he did?

"I really missed you, brother," Alphonse said. "It feels like it's been forever." He turned to face Roy, his right hand extended. "Fuhrer Mustang, it's always a pleasure to see you, sir."

Roy laughed as he grasped Al's hand in a firm handshake. "Don't address me so formally," Roy insisted. "It's too strange."

"Sure, Roy," Al replied. "How have you been?" he asked as he sat down next to Edward.

"Things have been pretty different, but I like to think these changes have been for the better." Roy winked at Riza, whose face turned crimson. "I try to be the best leader I can be, but I wouldn't be much without all of my friends, you and Edward included."

Al nodded. "I couldn't imagine a better Fuhrer. What about you, brother?" He turned to face Edward, who smiled nervously back at him.

"I'm great," Ed smiled. "Thanks for asking."

"That's all?" Al laughed. "Come on, there must be more than that. I've heard so many amazing things about you. I believe it when people tell me you're the best doctor this country has to offer. Maybe it's better that you're not an alchemist anymore. I think the medical field is where you were meant to be all along. You're a natural."

Ed winced. He never really wanted to be a doctor. He had an interest in all sciences, but alchemy was where his heart was. Nothing could ever compare to it. Medicine paled in comparison. While it brought him so much joy to be able to help people with their injuries and illnesses, he always felt that he had been more useful to the world as an alchemist. Nothing could persuade him otherwise. With alchemy, he could bend matter to his will. He felt he had power. Now, he was as ordinary as he could be. There was nothing special about being a doctor. Anyone could become a doctor with enough hard work. Some people were just born to be alchemists.

"I suppose," Ed answered. "People are really too kind. Why don't you tell us what you've been doing?"

"You won't believe what it's been like!" Al said, seeming almost too excited to speak of his own adventures. "Alkahestry is an incredible science! It's not like anything I've ever studied before. It could really change what we know about medicine and how people are treated!"

Edward felt a burning deep within his heart. Was Alphonse planning on taking away his ability to be a doctor as well? He had finally found something to replace alchemy in his life. He didn't need his brother to ruin it.

"That's really great, Al," Edward said. "I'm sure May is really proud of you."

Al smiled sheepishly. "Well, you see, May and I had a bit of a falling out."

"What do you mean?"

"I just didn't feel about her the way she did about me. She was willing to continue to teach me more about alkahestry, but it just felt too weird. In addition to that, I just ended up really liking this other girl."

Roy grinned. "Alright, if Ed won't tell me about his girl, you definitely have to tell me about yours."

"Sorry, but she asked me to keep it between the two of us for a while longer."

Roy groaned in frustration. "You two are too alike."

The remainder of the evening continued in a similar fashion, and Edward spoke less and less, unable to find the energy to participate in conversations that consisted mostly of praising Alphonse for his strength in alchemy. Edward tried his hardest to remind himself of the way he felt when he saw Al in his human body again for the first time. It was like magic, and at the time, he was glad to have given up on alchemy for the sake of the person he cared for the most.

However, he was unable to bear being in the presence of his brother's light, so he politely excused himself, much to Roy's dismay. The man followed him to the door, and walked him outside, closing the door gently behind them.

"Ed," he said softly. "You don't have to go."

"I know I don't," Edward replied. "But I feel like I do, and I hate that I feel this way."

Roy put his arm around Ed's shoulders as he walked him towards the front gate. It was dark now. The streets were almost empty.

"I don't understand it, Roy," Edward said lifelessly. "I love Al so much. I'd be willing to walk through flames to protect him, but I just can't stand seeing him now, as amazing as he has become. The more he improves his abilities, the worse I feel."

"Stop comparing yourself with him. That's your problem. You're not measuring your strengths in terms of how talented you are in medicine, you're measuring yourself strictly against what Al can do with alchemy. That kind of thinking will get you nowhere. Ed, you know, deep down, that you're the greatest damn doctor there is. Stop beating yourself down with these thoughts."

Edward sighed. "I guess you're right. I just hope things will get better."

"Learn to appreciate yourself the way you are, and they will."


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you so much to all of you who have reviewed and favorited my story! I very much appreciate it. Just thought I would let you all know that this story will get very dark later on, which is why I labeled it under the "horror" genre. Just a fair warning!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 2<strong>

After some persuasion, or what could be more accurately be described as begging, Winry finally agreed to leave Atelier Garfiel for a short time to see Edward, the catch being that all of her expenses be paid in full. Edward happily agreed. He had accumulated a fairly sized wealth of his own from his success as a doctor, and although he kept track of his finances very well, he was also quite generous.

The two of them were to go to dinner. Edward would be meeting Winry at her hotel at six o'clock that evening.

Edward had never been more nervous in his life.

He looked incredibly classy in his black suit, with his hair pulled back in a loose ponytail. As far as looks went, he had nothing to worry about. What caused him to shake in fear, though, was the extremely expensive, one-of-a-kind, hand crafted diamond ring in the pocket in the interior of his jacket.

When the stress of Alphonse's body was finally relieved, Edward had more time to think of other things, namely his affections for Winry. The more he was able to think of her, the more he realized he loved her, and wanted her to himself. He could only imagine their life together. It would be beautiful, and he would be the father to their future children that Hohenheim was not able to be to Edward and Alphonse. The touch of her warm hands as she measured him to replace his automail leg was almost more than he could handle. He deeply treasured every encounter with her, and desperately wished to repay her for all that she had done for him in the past.

When five thirty rolled around, Edward tried his best to calm himself, and left his small but luxurious home. He stepped into his car, and drove towards the heart of Central, where Winry's hotel was located.

The building was enormous, and was bordered by carefully carved pillars. As Edward exited his car, he gulped in as much of the cool night air as his lungs could hold. His heart was racing. In his state, he tried to recall any small, simple trick he had learned for small ailments while he was in medical school, but nothing surfaced.

_I can think of ways to save lives at the drop of a hat_, he thought. _Why is this so difficult?_ Edward took wobbly steps towards the hotel entrance. _Alphonse wouldn't be worried._

His breath caught in his throat. Why was he thinking of his shortcomings against Alphonse, even now? He shook his head rapidly, hoping to rid himself of any other negative thoughts. He had more important things to worry about.

Winry was seated in the lobby, staring out one of the windows that reached to the ceiling. She was dressed in an elegant, floor length, red evening gown. Her light blonde hair cascaded down her left shoulder. If there was a remedy for Edward's nerves, the sight of her certainly was not the cure.

Edward cleared his throat as he approached her, managing a somewhat warm smile.

"Hello, Winry," he said, attempting to sound as smooth as he could. "It's great to see you. You look amazing."

Winry smiled back. She did not seem so sincere, but Edward tried to ignore it. "Hey there," she answered. "You don't look so bad yourself."

Edward laughed nervously. "Shall we?"

He offered his arm, but Winry was already heading towards the door on her own. After a moment of slight embarrassment, Edward followed. He studied the way the red fabric clang to her form before falling to the ground. He carefully watched the way her hips swung, ever so subtly. He listened to the soft _swish_ of the skirt as it passed over her legs.

He had intended to open the door to his car for her, but she was already standing by the door before he reached it. He had to satisfy himself with unlocking the door and letting her enter on her own. When she was seated, he walked swiftly to the driver's side.

The drive to the restaurant was nearly silent. Winry did not seem interested in speaking to him. He made an honest effort to make conversation. He asked about her work with Garfiel, and how her studies were going, but to little success. When questioned, Winry gave only short answers.

Edward parked his car on the street, and practically ran to the other side of the vehicle to help Winry out. He smiled warmly at her, and was rewarded with a cold half-smile. As the two of them started walking down the sidewalk towards their destination, Edward attempted to hold her hand. His fingertips lightly brushed against her palm before she quickly pulled her hand away.

The restaurant Edward had chosen, called "The Starboard", was the most expensive restaurant in Central. He figured it would be a simply way to impress Winry, and would go well with the ring. When he had asked Fuhrer Mustang for suggestions, it was the first thing he thought of, mentioning that it was where he had taken Riza before he proposed. The restaurant itself had simple, yet beautiful architecture. The building was a polished white with tall windows that reflected the moonlight. The doors were glass with a thin black frame. Gentlemen in tuxedos lined the walkway to the entrance.

Edward watched himself walk with Winry in the reflection in the windows. He tried to prepare himself for the evening by imagining her saying an exited 'yes' to his proposal. He thought of what kind of wedding they would have, and how happy everyone would be for them.

They were greeted warmly as they entered, and as they passed through the doorway, the smell of freshly cooked food wafted past their noses. A giant chandelier hung from the fifty-foot, domed marble ceiling. The other guests talked quietly, and their gentle voices echoed throughout the room. Each table had a silver candlestick for three candles and a tablecloth of pure white.

Winry actually seemed excited to be there. A wide smile spread across her red lips, and the light of the chandelier sparkled in her eyes.

Once Edward confirmed their reservation, a waiter quickly escorted them to a table in the back, slightly secluded from the other guests. They were then brought their menus and the wine that Roy had recommended. The kind Fuhrer had put in a good word for Edward, who was promised only the best service on this night.

"Oder whatever you like," Edward said with a smile, "and as much of it as you want. Money is no object."

"Wow, Ed," Winry said. "This is all so...extravagant, and kind, of you."

"Anything for you. I owe you a lot for all the good you've done for me."

"Well, you've never fallen behind in paying me for your automail expenses."

"I know, but time with you is worth more than that."

"Yeah..." Winry stared at him for a moment, confused, before looking quickly towards her menu. "How's Alphonse?"

Edward froze for a moment, unable to answer. Why was she bringing him up now? "He's doing great, as far as I know."

"Better than great is what he's told me."

"Oh, you two talk a lot?"

"Well, yeah."

They were both silent for a few minutes. Edward thumbed through the menu, not particularly interested in the food. It all looked delicious, but his appetite was suddenly gone.

"It's really funny," Winry said, "Al is like the new and improved Fullmetal Alchemist."

Edward looked away quickly, and sipped from his wine. "Really? That is funny, I guess. I was a good alchemist once, right?"

"Yeah, sure. You're not an alchemist anymore, though. It's a bit irrelevant."

When the waiter returned, Winry ordered a large steak dinner. Edward simply asked for whatever the chef recommended.

They ate their meals in silence, and Winry had no second thoughts about ordering dessert. Edward could not bear waiting any longer, though, and thought that perhaps now would be as good a time as any to offer his life to the woman he loved.

"Winry," Edward said gently when the waiter was out of earshot. "You know I really care about you, right?"

"Yeah," she answered. "We've known each other for a long time. I care about you, too."

"Well, there's something I want to ask you. Something important."

"Shoot, Ed. I'm sure whatever it is, it's not a big deal."

Edward cleared his throat. Negativity suddenly passed through him again. What if she rejected him? What if she was seeing someone else? He didn't know what he would do if she said 'no'. Sure, he was only a doctor, but he had to be worth something, right?

_Right_, he assured himself. _I know I'm worthy. I at least have to try_.

"Winry, will you marry me?"

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><p>Edward spent weeks without seeing anyone other than his patients. He just couldn't bear to face his friends. In solitude, he could deal with his pain in peace. Maybe it was better that way.<p>

His house was empty and silent. He had nothing to distract himself with, so he was left with only his thoughts to torture him. He sat slumped in his leather chair in his small library, which doubled as his office. He had read every book in that room at least twice, and saw no point in going over the information again. He considered going out to purchase more books, but he would then run the risk of seeing someone who knew him.

Perhaps his situation was not so bad. Everyone experiences rejection, and Edward was no different. Now, he had nothing but a clean slate, as far as relationships were concerned. A fresh start. He could find someone who had never heard of him before. Things would be perfect.

Edward tried to cheer himself with these thoughts. Despite his low mood, it was something to consider. If he could see things logically, it wouldn't be so terrible.

Winry had grown to be a spoiled woman, anyway. Edward told himself that he probably had no use for her in his life outside of her being his mechanic. There were plenty of other people in the world. He could even leave Amestris if he wanted to.

After some convincing, Edward was able to get himself to agree to go outside to get the mail. The sunlight would be good for him, and if he was fast enough, no one who would recognize him would notice him.

The sunlight and fresh air were quite refreshing. Instead of scurrying down the walkway from his house, Edward took a leisurely pace to his mailbox. He took a deep breath of the clean air, and closed his eyes for a moment.

The mailbox was empty, save for one envelope nestled in the very back. Edward reached in, and once he had it in his hand, he took another deep breath before returning inside.

Once he was seated comfortably in his chair again, he took a look at who his mail was from.

Alphonse Elric.

Edward gulped as his heart began to race. He tried desperately to calm himself. Maybe Al was traveling again, and was only able to write a letter to ask about his brother.

Edward took the letter opener from the table beside him, and sliced the envelope open. Slowly, he pulled the paper out from inside.

_**You are cordially invited to the wedding of:**_

_**Winry Rockbell and Alphonse Elric**_


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you to all of you for the wonderful reviews. I really appreciate it!**

**Sorry for the delay in writing this chapter. I was enjoying the holidays, and I hope you were too.**

**Just another warning, this story is going to get dark. If you're not a fan of the horror genre, I don't suggest reading much more. **

**Thanks and enjoy!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 3<strong>

The rain pattered harshly on the rooftop. This was the third day in a row that it had been raining. Dark, angry clouds covered the sky, making it almost seem as though it were constantly night. The wind was howling, and made windows rattle under its strength. The streets appeared to be long, black rivers. Hardly a soul dared step out into this unpleasant weather that could rip umbrellas from even the strongest hands.

It was just past eleven o'clock in the evening. Edward had only just returned home from the hospital. His white coat was soaked through from the rain. He shivered as he rubbed his neck, stepping heavily into his home. He'd had worse days. The entirety of his work took place inside of a quiet, strong, clean building. A bit of hard rain was nothing to him. In fact, he appreciated the roar of the droplets as they hit the ground. It was almost enough to drown out the thoughts in his head.

As he walked towards his kitchen, he let his hair down, and tossed him coat over the back of a chair at his dining table. He rummaged around in a cabinet to find his kettle before filling it with water and setting it on the stove to boil.

A tight, heavy feeling had locked itself into his chest, and had been taking residence there for a month. Not even a heavier workload was enough to scare it away. No matter what he did, he could not keep himself from feeling angry and jealous.

Alphonse hadn't known about his feelings for Winry at the time. He couldn't have known. No one knew about it. Edward had avoided mentioning any feelings of affection for anyone when he was able. It wasn't as if Alphonse had purposefully proposed to Winry as an attempt to steal her from Edward, but it certainly felt that way to him.

He could hardly bear to face his brother. Every pleasant thing he could think of to say to him was instantly pushed away as nastier words forced their way to the surface. Because he had no desire to hurt Alphonse, he simply refused to see him. Even a phone call was too much. Edward had resorted to only writing letters. Alphonse was confused, but never questioned it.

There weren't enough friendly lies for Edward to use. He had gone through the expected motions: congratulating, praising, and the like. However, as he lacked an authentic sense of happiness for his brother, he couldn't think of much else to say, and took to lingering at the hospital as much as possible. Now, he could tell him that he was just too busy to partake in much of the celebrations.

He was relieved that work had gotten him out of Al's bachelor party this evening, but he still had the actual wedding to attend, for which he had been carefully selected to be the best man.

He had tried suggesting that Alphonse pick someone else, saying that he had no reason to feel obligated to choose him simply because they were brothers. However, Alphonse insisted that Edward be his best man, stating that he didn't feel obligated in the slightest; Edward really and truly was his best friend and the person he trusted the most in this world, and furthermore, he felt that he would never be able to repay his brother for his sacrifice.

His brother's words were so sincere and heartfelt that Edward almost felt guilty for not being happy for him. He hadn't spent years of his life trying to restore Alphonse's body because he hated him. He had done it as an act of love. He still loved him, but lately, it had become increasingly difficult to show it.

There was a loud knock on the door. Curious as to who would visit him at such a late hour, he walked quickly to the front door to see who it was.

"Hey there," Roy said with a smile. "Wonderful weather we're having this evening."

Edward laughed at the sight of the Fuhrer, his hair a complete mess and his clothes completely drenched. "Get in here," he said. "You're gonna get sick if you hang around outside in the rain, and I don't want to have to take care of you."

Roy wiped his feet on the doormat outside before stepping into Edward's home. "Why is it so gloomy in here? Aren't you freezing without even a fire going?"

"Oh, I just got home from work. I really wanted something hot to drink, so I started making tea. That's when you showed up."

"I see. Well, let me do the honor of making a fire for you."

"Suit yourself. Do you want some tea?"

"Yeah, that'd be great."

Roy walked off towards the living room, leaving Edward to himself once again. He didn't think he would be so happy to see Roy, especially at such an odd hour. In the back of his mind, he wondered if something had happened.

He heard Roy placing firewood into the fireplace, and went to the cupboard to get two cups for their tea. After setting the cups on the down, he took teabags from a box on the counter, and placed them inside.

"The fire is taken care of," Roy called as he returned to the kitchen. "Maybe now it won't be so damn cold in here."

"That was fast," Edward replied.

"Yeah, flame alchemy still comes in handy sometimes. It's a shame I don't get to use it much these days. As it turns out, people don't really want a Fuhrer who sets everything on fire."

Edward rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I miss alchemy too."

Roy sighed. "Sorry. I didn't mean to..."

"Don't worry about it."

The two were silent for some time. Edward couldn't remember the last time it took so long to boil water.

"You know, you can't be sneaking off all the time," Edward said. "You're the Fuhrer. I'm surprised you have so much time to slack off."

Roy smirked. "It's not that difficult to hide from my officers when I need some time away. Without this country being at war all the time, I really don't have too much to get done. Besides, I always have time for those who mean a lot to me."

"Come on, Roy. You don't have to skip out on work just to check on me. I'm really fine. You should be doing this for Riza."

"Riza can handle herself. You're the one who worries me the most. Don't think I haven't noticed the way you've been acting these past six years. You know you can talk to me about it."

"I don't know what you mean."

Roy sighed just as the kettle began to scream. Edward turned off the heat and poured the water over the tea bags, inhaling the scented steam that rose from the cups. He took one, and handed it to Roy.

"You were a great alchemist," Roy said quietly. "There's no doubt in my mind that you would have been the best in the world if you hadn't had to give it up for Al. The thing is, though, is that you're not an alchemist anymore, and there is nothing you can do to change that."

Edward glared at Roy. He couldn't believe that he was bringing this all up when he had enough to worry about.

"But maybe it all happened for the better," Roy continued. "I mean, I've never seen a doctor with the talent that you have. Your medical knowledge is so incredibly vast and thorough. It just makes me think that maybe you were supposed to be a doctor all along."

"This wasn't what I wanted," Edward said. "I know this is awful of me, but if I had known that in pursing a way to save Alphonse I would end up like this, I don't think I ever would have bothered attaching his soul to that damned suit of armor in the first place. Alchemy was everything to me, and now I have nothing, and Alphonse is the one with all the glory. He has everything that should have been mine."

"Ed... I can't believe you. How can you even think that?"

"I know," Edward said, his voice cracking as a warm tear ran down his cheek. "I'm a terrible, selfish person, and an even worse brother. What hurts me more than knowing that Alphonse has it all is knowing that I hate him for it. If I really love him as much as I know I do, how can I think all of these disgusting things?"

Roy put his hand on Edward's shoulder. "Listen, I won't pretend to know what it's like to have lived the life that you have. However, if there's one thing I know about you, it's how dearly you love your brother. You loved him enough to give up what had been your whole life to save him. His success should make you happy, but it's just as natural to feel the way that you do now. You're envious. You're hurt. But you need to stop believing that what he has now rightfully belongs to you. That sort of thinking will get you nowhere, even if it is true."

Edward nodded. Although he couldn't completely agree with Roy, he understood what he meant.

"Please, Ed," Roy said. "Move on."


	4. Chapter 4

**Here it is! I hope you all enjoy. This chapter was pretty fun to write. **

**It's going to get even darker. Just making sure that you all understand that before proceeding.**

**Just a note: There are two spellings of Sheska's (Sciezka) name. I don't know why this is, but I decided to go with the easier version!**

**Thanks for reading! **

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><p><strong>Chapter 4<strong>

Edward stood quietly beside his brother, watching the bridesmaids and other groomsmen walk down the aisle. He had a few things to look forward to today, one being able to see friends and relatives that he hadn't seen in years. Izumi and Sig Curtis were seated in the front row of the groom's side, in place of Edward and Alphonse's mother and father. Roy and Riza sat beside them.

Edward tried to sneak a smile at Roy, only to feel Izumi's hard glare upon him. He straightened up, hoping fervently that the ceremony wouldn't last as long as it had already seemed to.

Then he saw her.

Pinako and Garfiel were the only people who had seen Winry's dress before the wedding. It was a ruched ballgown dress of the purest white with a strapless sweetheart neckline and a court train. In her hands, she held a bouquet of red roses. Around her neck was a string of pearls, and she wore matching earrings. Her hair was a mess of curls piled onto her head. What struck Edward the most, however, was the cathedral length mantilla veil that made her appear to be glowing.

He had never seen anything so beautiful. His heart began to race, and his eyes widened as he stared at the woman walking closer to him. The bright sunlight danced in her hair and her eyes, and the fabric of her dress and veil flowed in the soft breeze. To him, she looked like an angel. For a moment, he imagined that he was the one who would be wed to her today. This fantasy of his cause a warmth to grow in his heart. A blissful smile began to spread over his lips. He almost had to stop himself from holding out his hand to her as Garfiel brought her to the altar.

Reality returned to him as Alphonse received her from Garfiel, looking just as blissful as Edward had only a moment ago. Winry glanced at Edward for a mere second, which was long enough for her to scowl slightly at his look of despair. It was her wedding day, and she had no time to worry about her childhood friend's feelings for her.

As Edward had hoped, the ceremony was quick and quite nearly painless. He soon found himself seated near Winry and Alphonse's table with Roy, Riza, Jean, and Rebecca, having dinner. The dining hall that Winry had chosen was large and well decorated, with flowers and candles everywhere. It was packed with guests, with a dance floor in the center of the room.

Edward had had two glasses of wine already, and was on his third, ignoring Roy's requests that he slow down.

"I swear, Ed," Roy sighed, "if you're too drunk to get through your speech, I'll kill you."

"I don't know if I'll be drunk enough to get through this damn speech," Edward replied. "Is it really necessary that I do this?"

"It's traditional for the best man and maid of honor to give a speech. You already have yours ready, right?"

"Of course," Edward said as he pulled a crumpled piece of paper from the inside of his jacket. "I brought it in case I absolutely have to do it."

"If Sheska was able to do hers, I'm sure you can too."

"I don't see what the problem is," Jean added. "Aren't you happy for your brother?"

"Yeah, I sure am," Edward said through clenched teeth.

"Just give it your best," Riza said. "I'm sure they will both appreciate that you took the time to write a speech at all."

Edward smiled. He knew that he at least had to try, for his brother. Maybe Winry didn't necessarily deserve his best sentiments, despite that fact that he could never get her out of his head or heart, but Alphonse certainly deserved a few nice words from his older brother.

Edward stiffened as a man approached him with a microphone. He wasn't ready to tell his brother how happy he was that he had stolen the woman of his dreams, and strongly believed that he never would be.

"Whenever you're ready," the man said as he handed the microphone to Edward.

Once the man was gone, Edward took a few deep breaths, trying to put himself in a better frame of mind for lying.

"Just get it over with," Roy said quietly, leaning in closer to Edward and nudging him in the ribs with his elbow. "The more you agonize over it, the harder it's going to be."

Edward nodded, and stood. "Everyone, can I have your attention?" he said, his voice wavering slightly as he spoke into the microphone and looked down at the paper in his hand. "I have a few words for the lovely bride and that handsome groom." He put on the biggest, fakest smile he could manage. He cleared his throat. "When Al and I were little, we used to fight over who would marry Winry. She was pretty much the only kid the two of us had to play with, but we didn't mind, because she was worth more than a thousand people combined. I can't remember a time when we didn't know her, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I don't think Al would, either. Alphonse is not only my brother, but my best friend. He and Winry are the two people I cherish most in this world. It brings me great joy -" Edward's voice cracked, and he cleared his throat again, attempting to regain his composure. He took a deep breath, and dropped the paper. "It brings me great joy to see these two together. I'm glad that my little brother has someone strong to watch over him when I can't, and I'm glad that the most beautiful woman I know has a great man to love her."

Everyone in the room cheered an applauded, and some were brought to tears by Edward's words. Alphonse and Winry seemed genuinely touched.

"Seriously, Al," Edward continued when the noise died down. "There's a lot of crazy guys out there. Someone might try to steal her away from you."

Again, the room was filled with noise, this time with laughter, with the exception of Roy, who stared solemnly at Edward, and Winry, who glared at him from her table.

"That's enough, Ed," He murmured as he tugged on Edward's jacket. "Have a seat."

"Hell," Edward said, ignoring Roy. "I might try to steal her myself. She's a real beauty. If only I had proposed to her before you had."

Of course, everyone believed Edward to be joking once again. Winry stared at him in shock, her mouth wide open. Edward winked at her, which only caused more laughter. Alphonse blushed.

"Ed, I'm begging you," Roy said. "Just stop."

Edward grabbed his glass of wine, and raised it. "To the lovely couple," he said gently.

Once the sound of clanging glass filled the room, Roy snatched the microphone away from Edward, and pulled him into his seat by his sleeve.

The environment became considerably less tense when the dancing commenced. Everyone was excited to celebrate. Jean and Rebecca were the first to reach the dance floor. Heymans was able to persuade Riza into having a dance with him, much to Roy's relief.

When Edward and Roy were alone at their table, Roy spoke.

"Ed, I'd like to be able to dance with my wife before anyone gets any ideas, if I need to stay with you to keep you out of trouble, I will."

"You don't honestly think I'm crafty enough to do much worse than that speech, do you?" Edward asked.

"I know you're crafty enough. That's part of the problem."

"You don't have to babysit me. That speech was just a little rough to get through. You understand, right?"

Roy sighed. "Yeah, I do."

"Go have fun with Riza. She looks beautiful."

"Can I trust you enough to leave you by yourself?"

"Yeah. I'll be fine."

"Don't have any more wine." Roy patted Edward on the shoulder before leaving him to cut in with Heymans and Riza. Edward watched as Roy lovingly held his wife in his arms, and swayed gently to the music.

After about an hour, the other guests had finally started to leave Winry alone. She slipped away from the dance floor, and Edward watched her sneak outside, presumably for a bit of fresh air. After a moment, he checked to make sure that no one was watching him, and he followed her.

Winry stood, facing away from the entrance to the hall. Her hair was a mess, and she had left her veil at her table. In silence, Edward looked at the way the wind played at loose strands of her hair. She inhaled deeply.

"Nice party," Edward said as he approached her.

Startled, Winry spun around, and was almost shocked to see him standing there.

"Yeah," she answered. "I couldn't ask for a better wedding."

"You could have, but I know damn well that Al could never afford the kind of extravagant event that you would have really wanted."

She crossed her arms and glared at him. "No, this is fine as it is."

"You had to pay for most of it, didn't you? A successful mechanic like you is bound to make heaps more than some freelance alchemist with no fortune to his name besides the fame that he gets."

"Just shut up. What was with that speech, anyway?"

"I don't know what you're talking about. They were just a few honest words for my favorite couple."

"I don't know what you were thinking, Ed. You're insane."

"Maybe so, but I'm also right."

"I'm in love with Al. You know that, right?"

"Somehow, I don't entirely believe that. You're in love with his image, but I know you two have nothing in common, and that you hate that he's never going to have the wealth that you want him to have. Even so, marrying a well known alchemist to boost your own fame among possible customers isn't a bad ploy to go with. I'm actually impressed. I didn't think you'd think something like that up on your own."

"You don't know a damn thing. I know what this is about. You're jealous. You've been jealous from the start."

"You got me. I'm jealous as hell." Edward stepped closer, and grabbed Winry around her waist with one arm. He pulled her body against his own, and before she could protest, he pressed his lips against hers. His placed his free hand on the back of her head, entangling his fingers in her hair. Winry pressed half-heartedly against Edward's broad chest. He released her lips, only to take them again in a chain of kisses, each one more passionate than the last.

The taste and feel of Edward's lips upon her own had left her weak in the knees, but Winry managed enough strength to strike him across the face. She stared at him as he stood there, eyes glowing, red lipstick staining his face. His cheek grew rosy where she had hit him.

"Stop this," Winry said as she stormed towards the doors to the hall. "And don't even think about coming back inside without wiping that lipstick of your face."

"I was about to say the same to you," Edward said with a smile. Winry blushed, not realizing that she had also smeared her own makeup. "You know, if you give me what I want, I can give you anything you desire."

"Oh really?" Winry said as she turned, crossing her arms. "And what is it that you want?"

"You."

"You're ridiculous."

"I'll pay you."

"Are you crazy? I'm not like some prostitute that you can buy your pleasures from."

"It doesn't have to be with money. I can give you any gift. Just tell me what you want, and you'll have it. It can be anything. All I ask in return is that you treat me the way that you'll be expected to treat Alphonse, as his wife."

"You're pathetic. I don't know who you are anymore. You've lost all sense of dignity."

"That may be true, but I have wealth, and to someone as spoiled and greedy as you, I know that means more than a pure heart."

Winry turned and stomped back inside, leaving Edward there, alone, and smiling.


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry this took so long! The holidays have been keeping me busy, and when I finally was home, I started feeling sick. But here's chapter five! **

**Also, thank you for all of the lovely reviews. It really means a lot to me. You guys are awesome.**

**Out of curiosity, I thought I'd ask what you all think about OC's in fan fiction, when used as a main character? Feel free to send me a private message on the subject. I would love to hear your opinions.**

**I hope you enjoy, and thanks for reading!**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 5<strong>

The scalpel slipped smoothly and easily through the skin, the metal gleaming brightly under the light. The blade was quite sharp, and had no trouble parting the strata of flesh.

Edward was grateful for his lack of squeamishness. He was hardly phased by the sight of the inner human anatomy and other such gory things. He was always able to focus in peace on his work, and never gave his patients anything to worry about. Everyone knew that they would be safe in the hands of Dr. Elric. His hands were steady and sure, which he had not expected. The atrophy of his right arm had been fairly extensive; but his hours of physical therapy had paid off in full, leaving him to work with patients with the confidence and love of an inspired painter with his brush ready against a canvas.

The man on the table had been diagnosed with appendicitis. Dr. Elric had performed the required surgery plenty of times previously. He almost thought he could do it in his sleep. He removed the inflamed appendix gently and with ease in record time. His hands never faltered, and never shook with nervousness. Covered in blood, they moved, as if with a mind of their own, through the man's body.

He treated suturing as a much more delicate process. After inspecting the curved needle for a moment, he set to work, sewing the skin securely shut. He smiled to himself. The man would hardly be able to tell that he'd had surgery at all once the stitches were removed.

Once he had finished and cleaned up, he returned to his office. There was always plenty of paperwork to be done, and if ever he thought that he had finished a sufficient amount, he took pleasure in triple checking on the state of his patients.

He enjoyed peaceful days like this, where he did not feel stress or anxiety, and had enough work to keep his mind busy. There was the view from his office window, too. He always kept the white curtains pulled back, so that he could gaze out over the city, and watch the people outside.

The sun was bright outside, and bathed Central in soft, yellow light. A finch peeked in curiously through the window, carefully perched outside.

There was a timid knock on the door of his office. He turned in his chair, wondering who it could be.

"Come in," he called.

Slowly, the door opened, and the young medical student who had watched him perform the appendectomy slipped inside. Her name was Mary, as Edward had recalled. Her test scores were decent, and proved her to be competent enough to be allowed to watch some of the medical procedures at the hospital.

"Hello, Dr. Elric," she said, her voice shaking slightly.

Edward smiled. "Hello. What can I do for you?"

"I just wanted to tell you how amazing that surgery was," Mary answered. "I've never seen anyone work with such precision, and so much confidence. I feel like I learned so much just from watching you."

"Well, thank you. I'm glad to know that it was a good experience for you."

Mary shuffled and avoided looking Edward in the eyes. "I was just wondering, do you think you could ever tutor me sometime? I would really like your help."

The phone on Edward's desk rang, breaking the quietness. Mary jumped, surprised by the sound.

"Excuse me," Edward said as he reached for the phone. "Hello?"

"Ed, it's me," a soft voice murmured.

"Winry?" Edward blushed. "What is it? Are you alright?"

"I'm fine. I just thought I should call you. See how you were."

"I'm good, but I know you wouldn't call me just to shoot the breeze."

Winry sighed. "Remember what you said to me, outside at the wedding?"

Edward's blush deepened, and his eyes moved quickly to Mary, who was still standing by the door. If he had known who had been calling, he would have asked her to step out for a moment.

"Y-yeah, I do," he stuttered.

"I was just thinking...Al went off again to do more research. He's been gone for a while, and I know he probably won't be back for a while. I know I should be used to it, but I still feel a bit lonely. I spend my days with my customers, and then completely by myself, at home."

"Did you want me to come see you? It'll take me a while to get to you, but I can pack up and leave after work today."

"Well, you see, I'm at Central already. I'm calling from the train station. I was hoping that I could come over."

"Are you sure you're alright?" Edward glanced awkwardly at Mary. "It's not like you to come to me for help these days."

"I know."

"What's up?"

"Atelier Garfiel isn't doing so well. We provide great service, but we're not a popular automail shop. Our competitors have such flashier shops and are closer to the heart of the city, so it's hard for us to be noticed by potential customers. The shop is going out of business. I guess it wouldn't be so bad, but Alphonse isn't exactly getting paid well. I don't want us to end up having to sell our house. Anyway, you said you'd be willing to give me gifts-"

"Winry, if you're in a bind, I'd be happy to help you. Don't think of it as a gift. I can get you your own shop on whatever property you want, and I can find someone to market your services for you."

"Edward, that's so kind of you...but I can't just leave Mr. Garfiel behind. He's been helping me every step of the way."

"Then I'll make you the owner of your own automail company, where you can hire the best mechanics in Amestris. Garfiel can work with you. You'll have your own top of the line shop."

"Listen, Ed. I know you wouldn't do something for nothing. Equivalent exchange has always been important to you. If you really do all of these things for me, then I'll do whatever you want."

Edward laughed. "Take a good look at my life. Equivalent exchange hasn't gotten me anywhere. If anything, believing in that damn theory has made me worse off."

Mary stared, confused, at Edward. Edward felt her gaze burning into his head. He wished fervently that he had asked her to leave.

"In any case," Winry said, "I can't just accept your generosity without repaying you somehow. I know what you want from me, Ed, so let me come over tonight and give it to you."

Edward felt heat growing in his heart, and moving ever so slowly down, lower and lower. When he saw Mary, still watching him, he crossed his legs uncomfortably, embarrassed.

"That's uh—er—if you really want to do that..."

"I'll be at your house later tonight."

"Don't be silly. I'll come get you from the station."

"Aren't you at work?"

"I always am. If I leave early on one day, no one is going to be upset about it. I'll be there soon."

He hung up, and stood sheepishly, unable to look at Mary, his face crimson.

"Sorry about that," he said. "That was...my sister. I have to go to my sister."

"Oh," Mary said, nodding her head, unsure what to do.

"I guess I'll see you later. We'll see about getting you some tutoring, eh?"

As Edward walked away, Mary sighed, her heart racing.

* * *

><p>Edward quietly led Winry into his house. It was dark and cold inside, and Edward wished that he had been able to do some cleaning before having a guest over.<p>

Winry did well to hide the way she felt about the gloomy home. She needed help, and it didn't seem to be something that a little acting couldn't fix. She lightly stroked Edward's arm, and pulled him through the house, up the stairs, and into his bedroom.

Edward reluctantly allowed himself to be taken inside; he never expected Winry to take things so far, and never planned on asking _this_ with her, no matter what she asked for. Furthermore, for personal reasons, he didn't want _anyone_ to see his bedroom, but Winry pretended not to see the noose in the corner of the room.

She pushed Edward down onto the bed, and stared down at him. He began to breathe heavily, and propped himself up on his elbows to look at her.

"Winry, listen," he said hoarsely. "You really don't have to..."

"Stop talking," she whispered. No matter how much she lusted for all the luxuries she could get her hands on, she knew she would never feel at ease if she was indebted to someone. She silently damned her conscience, or what little she had left of it. She was already married to Alphonse, and she knew a sudden divorce would ruin her reputation. She had used his name countless times, telling everyone that she was so happy to be married to _the_ Alphonse Elric. This tactic proved to be of little use in the long-run, however. Soon, people stopped caring. So, she was left with no money, no fame, no customers, and a husband who was never home. She refused to let her happiness slip through her fingers. As she trailed kisses down Edward's chest, she told herself that it would pay off. As she unbuttoned and unzipped his pants, she told herself that she would never be in trouble again. As she began to slip out of her dress and shoes, and let her long hair down, she told herself that she was a good person.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Winry had been gone for a few hours now, and Edward was left, alone, with only his thoughts to keep him company. His angry, doleful, destructive thoughts.

He sat, nude, on the edge of his bed, staring blankly at the noose in the corner. He could almost feel it judging him as it hung there. It had passed judgment upon him after his conduct at his brother's wedding, and it did the same as he let his hands wander over _her_ soft body.

_How could I be doing this?_ he asked himself. _To my own brother?_

He felt his shame boiling within himself. Alphonse had done him no wrong. His only crime was living a life of success and happiness, knowing nothing of the silent hatred that his older brother, the man he idolized in place of any father figure, had been feeling towards him.

Edward glanced at the hole in the wall beside the door to his bedroom. In a sudden rage, he had punched the edifice with all the strength he had, leaving his knuckles covered in now coagulated and crusted blood.

Things had turned out the way they should have, right? Edward's sacrifice would have been for naught if Alphonse had not lived a full life. A creeping feeling began to sink in; a feeling that told him that his sacrifice was not over.

The way he saw it, he had only two options: he had to take his brother's life, or his own. He walked slowly over to the noose. He hated himself for even thinking of harming Alphonse, but was losing his strength. He could hardly bear to live his pitiful life. As he looked at the noose, in a strange way, he was proud of himself; he had constructed it perfectly, and had successfully attached it to the ceiling. His mind clear, he pulled the stool he had left nearby closer to himself, stepped onto it, and placed the rope around his neck. He stood there for a few moments, thinking of nothing, his eyes closed.

When he opened them, he glanced at the clock by his bed, and realized that he was late for work. A strange guilt ran through him, ice cold.

Was he really so upset that he was prepared to end his own life? He was surprised at himself, and a bit angry.

Alphonse deserved a better brother than the one Edward had turned out to be. For a few years now, Edward had been nothing more than a jealous man living an empty life.

_This has to change, _he told himself. _I have to be a better role model for Al. I have to stop feeling the way that I do. I have to tell him I'm sorry, and I have to stop seeing Winry._

He knew that even the most envious man would still have enough heart to know that betraying his own brother was wrong. No one could possibly be selfish enough to try to steal what belonged to their dearest friend, no matter how badly they wanted it. In offering to make inappropriate exchanges with Winry, he had already gone too far.

In a rush, he went to his closet, and threw on the closest matching outfit he could find. Once dressed, he grabbed his white coat, the keys to his car, and went out the door.

* * *

><p>Edward's first assignment of the day was to see a boy with a broken arm. He walked quickly to the room where the boy and his mother were waiting for him, with his clipboard and paperwork tucked under his arm.<p>

"Hello!" Edward said as he swung the door open, a non-convincing smile on his face. "Sorry to keep you waiting." He looked down at the boy seated on the table, who peered shyly up at him from beneath shaggy bangs. His mother stood by him, an impatient scowl on her face. "I read that you hurt your arm while you were playing with some friends. How are you feeling today?"

"It still hurts," the boy admitted as he held his left arm. "And it doesn't look right." With his other hand, he lifted his arm higher to show Edward. "See?"

Edward gently took the boy's arm in his own hands. "Hmm," he said as he studied it carefully. "Well, it doesn't look too bad. You were lucky; I've seen much worse than this."

"How will you fix it?"

"All I have to do is make a splint. You won't be needing a cast."

"Will it hurt?"

Edward smiled. "No, I'll give you some medicine, so you won't feel a thing." He walked over to the cabinets, and took a hypodermic needle and the pain medication, carefully taking the necessary amount out of the vial.

The boy's eyes widened as Edward approached him with the needle. "I don't like needles," he squeaked.

Edward took the boy's arm in his hand. "When I was your age, I didn't like needles either," he uttered as he slipped the needle into the boy's arm. As he thought, the child did not notice. "I would cry my head off when I had to see a doctor. Needles were always so scary to me." Slowly, he pressed down on the plunger. "But you're a brave little man, right?"

The boy nodded his head, never taking his eyes away from Edward.

"It's ok to be afraid sometimes, but you shouldn't let your fears get in the way of what needs to be done." Edward pulled the needle out as easily as he had slipped it in. The tiny piece of metal shined in the light, catching the boy's attention. He looked completely shocked at the sight of the empty syringe.

"See?" Edward laughed. "You're a tough guy, after all."

The pain medication set in quickly, and Edward went to work, feeling along the boy's forearm, making sure that nothing was particularly out of place. When everything seemed in order, he began applying the layers of the splint, all the while checking that each laid straight and flat against his patient's arm.

"The receptionist will see you out," Edward said with a smile. "I hope you feel better."

The boy hopped off of the table, and taking his mother's hand, followed her out. "Bye, mister," he called over his shoulder on the way out. "Thanks a lot."

The woman did not close the door completely, leaving a small space that was just large enough for Edward to be able to hear her and her son speak as they walked down the hall.

"Mommy, that was the Fullmetal Alchemist!" the boy exclaimed. "The real Fullmetal Alchemist fixed my arm!"

"How many times do I have to tell you," his mother replied. "He's not an alchemist anymore. They even had to take away his license. I've never seen him transmute once. Some alchemist he is."

Edward's eyes widened as he listened. A cold feeling washed over his chest.

"But people used to call him a hero," the boy insisted. "They said he could transmute without a circle."

"Maybe they did at one time, but not anymore. He's nobody, sweetheart. You should find yourself a new hero. Now, that Alphonse Elric is really something."

As they moved farther down the hall, their voices trailed off, and Edward could no longer hear them. Not that he wanted to, of course. It was bad enough that his entire image had been taken from him. Why rub it in by comparing him to his brother?

Suddenly, a soft knock came from the door, and Mary peeked inside. Edward quickly wiped away the tears that had built up in his eyes.

"Oh, it's you," he murmured. "What is it?"

"Dr. Elric, there's someone on the phone for you," she answered sweetly.

"Oh. Thanks."

He walked out of the room, brushing past Mary as he went to the phone down the hall.

"Hello?" he croaked as he picked up the phone.

"Ed?" the voice on the other line said. "It's me, Roy."

"Oh, hey," he responded as he cleared his throat. "What's up? Don't you have work you need to do?"

"Well, this is kind of related to work."

"Go on."

"I need you to come over to my house and help me with a few things."

"What kind of things?"

"I'll explain when you get here. Can you come right now?"

"Maybe I would agree if you told me what was going on. You know I'm at work, right?"

"Yeah, I figured."

"You're being awfully vague."

"Just get your ass over here. It's important."

Edward sighed. "Fine. I'll be over as soon as I can."

He slammed the phone down, and dragged his feet as he made his way down the hall. He walked up to Sue, the receptionist, who was seated quietly at her desk.

"Hey, Sue," Edward said as he approached. "I..have a bit of an emergency and I need to leave for the remainder of the day. Do you think you could find someone to cover for me?"

Sue rolled her eyes. "This is the second time you've decided to just ditch work," she scolded as she adjusted her blouse over her busty physique. "I don't know if anyone is available to do your work for you today."

"Sue, give me a break. I've been doing overtime for at least a month now."

"Well, maybe you should plan ahead before you decide to just run off."

"I can ask around for you," Mary piped as she walked over to the two. "My usual mentor doesn't have much scheduled for today, so I could ask her to take your shift for you."

Edward patted Mary on the shoulder. "Thanks, you're a life saver."

"No problem, doctor," she called as he trotted away.

Once Edward was out of earshot, Sue turned towards her. "What's with you?" she sighed. "You're like a puppy dog. It's weird."

"I just wanted to be helpful," Mary pouted. She was still watching the doctor leave, hoping that her kindness would pay off.

* * *

><p>Edward groaned as he stood outside of the Mustang home, not quite ready to knock. He had a bad feeling, and didn't feel entirely comfortable regarding whatever it was that Roy had planned. Somehow, he knew it was nothing good.<p>

He knocked softly, hoping that Roy would not be there to answer, hoping that the guards outside wouldn't recognize him and would force him to leave. When Roy swung the door open, and the sound of excited voices escaped from inside, Edward put on his best fake smile.

"There you are," Roy said as he pulled Edward into his home. "Get in here. It took you long enough."

As Edward entered, and saw many familiar faces, he began to feel anxious.

"What's going on?" he whispered in Roy's ear.

"Sorry, Ed," he answered. "I know I shouldn't have lied to you, but I knew there'd be no other way to get you here."

"Get me here for what?"

"For Al," Roy admitted.

"What? Why?"

"He took the state alchemy exam. I was the only one who knew about it."

"Uh...alright. But so what?"

"Ed, he passed."

Edward stared at him, unable to comprehend what he had heard.

"I'm not kidding," Roy said. "He passed all parts of the exam with flying colors. I mean, sure, he wasn't able to transmute without a circle, but he was able to do other amazing things-"

Edward grabbed Roy by the collar of his shirt, and pulled him in close. "Any particular reason why you waited until now, at his party, to tell me this?"

"I told you. I knew you never would have agreed to come if you knew what was going on."

"Gosh, I wonder why!"

"Come on, he's your brother. You know how hurt he would be if you weren't here to congratulate him on passing the exam."

Edward pushed Roy away. "So, you're on his side now?"

"I'm not on anyone's side. I just want you two to have the relationship that you used to have. I didn't think letting you skip out on his party was the best way to do that."

"You _know_ how I feel about all this."

"Yeah, I do. But Al has feelings too."

"Brother!" an excited voice called from the crowd. Alphonse made his way towards his brother, a smile from ear to ear. "I can't believe you're here!"

"Yeah," Ed replied. "Me neither."

"I'm so happy to see you. You don't know how much I've missed you. I'm sorry that work has kept you so busy, and that I'm always traveling."

Edward felt a twinge of guilt. He had been avoiding his own brother.

"Don't sweat it," he said. "We're both here now. Congrats, by the way. I'm proud of you."

Alphonse's happiness was almost tangible. "Thanks! I've been wanted to become a state alchemist for so long. It's been a dream of mine to become just like you."

Edward laughed nervously. "Yeah...that's great."

"Oh, by the way, thanks for taking care of Winry for me."

Edward blushed, freezing where he stood, his heart beating out of his chest.

"I know it must be pretty lonely for her to have to work all the time with no one to come home to. It's good to know that I can count on you to be there for her when I'm not around."

"Don't mention it." Edward gulped. "So, state alchemist, huh? What weird name did this guy give you?"

"The Healing Alchemist!"

"Oh yeah?" Edward turned to Roy. "How'd you come up with that one?"

"Al proved to have made a real breakthrough in medical alchemy, which he said he owed to what he learned from May about alkahestry. For his demonstration, he asked that we bring in a few injured soldiers who wouldn't mind being guinea pigs. He healed seven broken bones and a bullet wound with alchemy alone."

"I was hoping you could teach me more about medicine," Alphonse piped in. "I thought it would help me to heal more effectively."

"That's quite a feat, Al," Edward murmured as he walked away. He felt empty inside. He felt worthless, and dirty.

He passed through the crowd in the house, ignoring the voices that called to him as he went by, unable to face those around him.

Izumi saw him, and was instantly worried by his strange behavior. She moved forward, and was about to grab him. Then she saw the look on his face. His eyes were dark and lifeless, and stared ahead but saw nothing. He was in his own world, locked prisoner against his own hateful thoughts, and no amount of kind words or friendly encouragement, or even Izumi's special touch would help him.

Edward wandered further through the house, until he came into an empty sitting room. Empty, except for one slender blonde who stood quietly in the corner.

"Ed," Winry said, surprised at both his appearance and the expression he carried. "I didn't think you would be here."

"What are you doing all by yourself over here?" he asked. "Why aren't you with Al?"

She stared, a frown making its way over her face. "I've been asking myself the same thing lately. I've found I feel guilty just looking at him, after what we did last night."

"Yeah. I could say the same. But some things are stronger than guilt."

"Ed, listen. Now that Al's a licensed state alchemist, our financial troubles should be taken care of. Just forget about our deal."

"What about that nice shop I promised you?"

"I...You don't understand how badly I want that, but if I let you do this, I'll never be able to look at Alphonse without screaming how ashamed I am. I feel bad enough right now. Just forget about everything, and don't you dare tell anyone about last night."

"Wouldn't dream of it." Edward walked closer, a strangeness to his step. He was like a predator closing in on its victim. "But you do realize that a doctor like me has more to offer than a new state alchemist, right?"

"Did you not hear me? I know I should never have taken you up on your offer. What I did was wrong, and I'm sorry for trying to use you like that."

"I seem to remember you not caring one bit when you asked me to take you shopping, back when I was still a state alchemist."

"Ed, I was a kid. I may still be the same brat I used to be, but I know a bit better now."

"You're really unpredictable, you know that? One minute you're calling me a pig for even suggesting that we make a deal, then you're suddenly climbing into bed with me when you're in a bind."

"I was wrong. So please, just stop. Forget it ever happened. Al is all I need now."

Edward sighed, his face darkening further, and anger building inside of him. "You know, I love you. I always have, and I don't think I'm capable of ever feeling that way about anyone else. But you're shallow, and greedy, and a coward. You didn't want me because I wasn't tall or handsome enough and didn't have the money or time to spend on you. Then suddenly Al became the man you always saw yourself with, and you clung to him. When he became famous, you only wanted him more. Then you realized looks and a good name don't necessarily bring money. Even if this state alchemy thing goes well for him, most state alchemists don't automatically become rich. I know you're going to keep teasing me because you know I'll always be waiting for you. Just understand, I'm only human. I have my limits. You can't keep treating me like this and not expect to get a response out of me."

"If I'm so bad, why do you love me?"

"I'm even worse than you are." Edward grabbed Winry around her waist, and pulled her close ferociously. "You love the both of us, don't you? You just won't admit that you made the wrong choice when you married the weaker man." He forced his lips onto hers, passionately pressing himself closer to her. Winry felt herself being crushed under his strength. When he released her, she gasped for air. "You were a stupid girl, and now you have to live with the mistakes of your immaturity." Again, their lips met, and Winry pushed halfheartedly against his chest.

"Stop," she breathed against his lips. "Someone will see."

"I don't care," Edward answered. "All I had left was medicine. I thought that pursuing a different science would help me, but now Al is studying in my field. It's like he wants to bleed me dry and leave me with nothing that I can call my own. If I have to take what I want by force, and hurt a few people on the way, then so be it. Six years is a long time to let people trample on you. No one cares about me anymore. I don't mean anything. I have nothing."

Winry was shocked as she saw the tears streaming down his face, and the pain in his eyes, and...something else. It was something more than rage or despair. He had the look of someone who had given up hope and had lost their way. Someone with nothing left to do. Someone desperate.

"Ed," she whispered. "You need help."

"You're probably right," he answered. "But who can save a man who is as lost as I am?" He ran his fingers through her hair, memorizing the way it felt against his skin. "I'll make Mom proud. I'll show her that I'm not a worthless waste of life."

"Edward, you're insane." Winry tried to pry herself away from his grip. She had to find someone to help him, but the more she tried to get away, the harder he held her.

"You are staying with me. We have to stay together, so you don't get hurt the way Mom did."

"Ed, I shouldn't have made you come today," Roy said as he entered the room. "It was wrong of me to-"

He stared, mouth open, as he saw Edward with Winry grasped in his arms, with a look of pure hatred in his eyes. Tears rolled down his cheeks, and fell onto Winry's face. What surprised him more, however, was when Edward kissed her forcefully, after he had looked Roy straight in the eye.


	7. Chapter 7

**Sorry for taking so long! Here it is!**

**Also, I'm surprised no one got the Mary Sue joke. I thought I was so clever. :P**

**Thanks for reading!**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 7<strong>

To anyone else, his house seemed extraordinarily quiet. It had been that way for a long time.

To him, it was anything but quiet. The voices in his head were screaming. They were in agony. They were angry, and they were jealous.

He could still remember what Roy had said, and exactly what his voice had sounded like. More than that, he could remember the look on his face, especially after he had discovered him with Winry in his arms.

Edward idly stirred the spoon in his tea, unable to bear seeing his own eyes looking back at him from the reflection. He was like a child who was being punished. Sent away to his room by an angry father who wanted him to think on his actions.

He _did_ feel sorry. He simply could not express it. It was hard to tell if the things he had done were worth the results he received. Probably not.

He could think of no kind way to approach Alphonse on the subject. He could almost laugh as he imagined himself crawling to his brother, his tail between his legs, to apologize for having an affair with his wife.

Maybe time away was what he needed. He hadn't spoken to anyone from the party since Roy had taken him home, and he could hardly remember how long it had been since then. He had plenty of other things to stick to his memory.

"How could you do that to your own brother?" Roy had said. "I knew your were hurt, but I had no idea you would go so low."

As much as it hurt, he couldn't take his eyes away from Roy.

"Ed, I'm disappointed in you."

Edward recalled his time as a state alchemist. He remembered how he always dreaded having to visit Colonel Mustang, hating how he would tease him. In the back of his mind, though, he always knew that Mustang's jokes veiled his genuine care for him. As he grew older, he realized more and more that the man wanted nothing more than to protect him.

He had failed him. He had failed Alphonse. He felt like a disease to everyone he touched. His own hatred inside his heart was tarnishing the lives around him.

His days were long, but he had found a bit of solace in sleep. His dreams were usually fairly sweet. So, he decided to go to bed early. He set his tea on the end table beside him, promising that he would clean the cup in the morning, all the while knowing that he would do no such thing.

He dragged himself up the stairs, and once he reached his bedroom door, he kicked off his shoes, undressed himself, and crawled into the mess of blankets and sheets on his bed.

Slowly, he was able to calm his thoughts, and bring himself to sleep.

* * *

><p>Nothing.<p>

Completely empty.

As far as he he could see, there was nothing but a deep darkness all around him. He extended his hands in front of himself, and strained his eyes, but he couldn't see anything. Then, there was the silence, which was only interrupted when he began to take tentative steps forward.

The sound of his footsteps echoed forever, seeming to bounce around the area forever, though no surface could be found. He wasn't even sure of what he was walking on.

"Hello?" he called. As he listened for a response, all he could hear was his own voice calling back to him. "Is there anyone there?"

After a while, the silence returned, and he was alone again. He sighed, still straining to see in the total darkness.

A small ball of light began to take form in front of him. It grew larger, and began to take shape. Before he could understand what was happening, a familiar figure stood before him.

It was if he was looking at his own shadow. It was his same height and build, but it was featureless. However, even without eyes, it seemed to stare in judgment.

Edward stared back, confused. He knew that he had seen this strange creature before, but he could not pull his thoughts together.

"Don't you remember me?" the being asked.

Edward shook his head slowly.

"How could you forget?" it said, teasingly.

Suddenly, a flash of memories washed over him. He saw the face of the monster that he and Alphonse had created when they tried to resurrect their mother. He saw his brother's face, torn in pain, as the children of the Gate pulled him away. Then, he remembered the empty white space, and the figure that stood before him, mocking him.

"Surely I meant enough to you for you to remember me. If not for me, you never would have learned your lesson." It smiled, as if internally laughing at some sick joke.

"What do you want?" Edward demanded. "I'm not an alchemist, I have nothing to offer."

"I want nothing more than to speak with you."

"You're lying."

Truth laughed. "You've grown to be quite cynical, haven't you?"

Edward glared back. "Why are you tormenting me?"

"You're the one who is tormenting yourself. You must be awfully full of guilt for you to be so defensive."

"I haven't done anything wrong. There's nothing to feel guilty about."

"Is that so? I think your brother would disagree. But wait a minute, he doesn't know what you've been up to, what you've been thinking, does he?"

Edward could think of nothing to say.

"You spent years trying to restore his body, but what was the point? All you've done since reuniting his soul with his human body is hate him."

"You're wrong. I don't hate him."

"Are you sure? You certainly are very jealous of him, to say the least. It seems as though your life would be better if you had just given up on him."

"I wouldn't trade my life for anything. I'm...happy that he is the way he is now."

"You know, you _could_ have everything."

"What do you mean?"

Truth stared back at him without answering. It waited, leaving Edward to guess.

"Tell me!"

"It's simple, really. If your brother wasn't—how should I put this? If he wasn't..._around_, you could have everything you ever wanted. You love Winry, but as long as Alphonse is around, you can't have her. Even your friends care more for him than they do for you."

"Stop. I know what you're implying. None of that is true, anyway. I'm happy the way I am."

"Don't be so silly. Edward, I know when you are lying."

Edward's hands clenched into fists. Anger boiled in his chest.

"You were enough of a monster to trap him in that cold, unfeeling suit of armor all those years," Truth continued. "Why not accept yourself as the beast you are and just take what you want by force?

"Shut up."

"Why, you even forced him to try to bring back your mother with you. It was your idea, after all."

"I...I just wanted to fix things."

"Every bad thing in his life happened because of you. You could probably go as far as to say that it was your fault that your mother died. You just couldn't stop reminding her of the man who abandoned her. No matter how much it hurt her, you wouldn't shut your mouth about alchemy."

An agonizing groan came from behind Edward. He spun around, and saw the malformed creature that was supposed to be Trisha after the transmutation. Its weak arms grasped at the ground as it pulled itself forward. In the dim light, Edward could see the smeared trail of blood it left behind as it moved towards him.

"_Ed...ward_," it gasped as it reached for him.

He remembered what he felt when he was a child. The smoke had cleared, and his brother was gone. In the center of the circle was their creation, where he had hoped his mother would be. He remembered his fear as the monster twitched and moaned in its place, barely capable of much else.

"You tarnish all that you touch," Truth said.

As though he had been splashed with a bucket of water, Edward awoke in a cold sweat. The sheets on his bed clung to his moist skin. He panted for air, and looked around his empty room. The dream had seemed to real to him. His memories of Truth were so vivid.

A warm tear cascaded down his cheek, as the realization hit him: He would never be able to escape from his nightmares.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter ****8**

The nightmares never stopped. Each night, he was plagued by the demons within him, and it was never any less frightening.

The dark circles beneath his eyes had become quite pronounced. His skin had grown pale, and he had lost a noticeable amount of weight. He was beginning to appear lankier than his usually muscular self.

He sat quietly at his office desk. He could feel the exhaustion weighing down on him, but the fear of what he would see if he allowed himself to sleep now was more than enough to keep him awake. As he did his paperwork, he would occasionally glance out the window, and imagine himself heading towards the horizon, away from everything.

The other employees had learned to keep their distance from him. The way he lifelessly dragged his weak body through the hospital halls was off-putting to all who saw him. They only came near him when they absolutely needed to. His ability as a doctor had somehow kept itself from depleting, despite his lack of sleep. He was left to work, and as soon as he finished with his patients, he was once again left to himself.

He made an honest effort to seem as congenial as ever towards his patients, but he never had quite enough energy left to convince the hospital staff. He never snapped at anyone, but the dead look in his eyes was enough to keep them away.

It was beautiful outside. The sun was descending in the sky, and was beginning to turn it from a bright cerulean to a sea of fire. Edward stood, and approached the window. He enjoyed looking outside, and imagining himself living the lives of all of those he could see.

He was startled by the sound of his phone ringing. After regaining his composure, he answered.

"Hello?" he asked, his voice groggy, as if he had just woken up.

"Ed?" Roy answered. "It's me. It's Roy."

"Oh," Edward said as he returned to sit at his desk. "What do you need? It's been a while."

"Yeah...I'm sorry. It was uncalled for me to just leave you in the cold like that. What's more uncalled for, though, is that I have a favor to ask of you."

Edward sighed. "Oh really?"

"Yeah. At least consider it. I know I'm asking a lot after the way I treated you, when I knew how you were feeling at the time, but please. This is a little bit bigger than either of us. I'm hoping we can at least put our discrepancies aside until things are taken care of. If you want, you can go back to hating me when it's done."

"Mustang, listen. I don't hate you. You just make yourself a very hard person to deal with."

Roy tried not to laugh. "I see. Well, it's like this: I have a meeting with a few members of the government of Drachma. I'm sure it's not a big deal, but given our history with them, I don't feel comfortable going in unprepared. I'm bringing soldiers who will be prepared to fight, should there be a need. I doubt it will come to that, but if it does, I would like to have the best medical personnel there as well."

Edward listened to the odd sound of Roy's voice. Something was off.

"There's more to it than that though," Edward said.

"You would have to leave with us tonight. We're leaving from the Central Train Station at eight o'clock this evening."

"No, there's something else."

Silence.

"Spit it out."

"Alright. The caveat would be that..." Roy's voice trailed off.

"Come on, it can't be that bad."

Roy sighed. "You would have to work alongside your brother."

Edward slammed the phone against the receiver, and stormed out of his office.

* * *

><p>The night air felt refreshing against his skin. A walk in the park was what he needed. At this hour, few people remained. He had the quiet all to himself.<p>

His footsteps echoed against the concrete sidewalk that passed through small knolls of grass. The streetlights had just been lit, and they glowed dimly against the disappearing sunlight.

Edward couldn't understand how Roy was able to ask him such a thing, knowing how he felt. It was out of the question. He just couldn't bear to have to do that.

Working with his brother for an undisclosed about of time would drive him insane.

He remembered when he first met Roy. The previous events had numbed him to the young man's anger. However, it was Roy who had rekindled the fire within him. He was the one who pointed him in the direction of finding strength in himself, and who had urged him to fight to get back what had been taken from him. No matter how sarcastic he was, he had always cared. He stood to protect Edward and his brother, when others were not able to.

Then there was Alphonse. It seemed as though the two had walked through fire together, but as long as they had each other, they always came out unscathed. Edward was Alphonse's light in absolute darkness. Alphonse was a source of constant strength and support for Edward. Their personalities clashed at every turn, but their bond as brothers would always bring them back together. Edward never thought twice about having to risk his life for the last remaining member of his family.

_That was then_, Edward told himself. _It's too different now_.

In his head lingered his anger from Roy's request, and his envy for Alphonse. In his heart, however, was something else. Something that refused to stop nagging him. As the negativity in his mind fought to push these feelings away, his heart fought just as mercilessly to bring them forth again.

Were things really so different? Edward and Alphonse had never stopped being brothers. Roy had never stopped caring for him.

Edward sighed as he brought his hands to his face. As he did this, he looked at his hands. He thought of Alphonse, and how he had sacrificed his own life to save Edward. He had given him the strength to move forward, and to fight on. He had had no way of knowing if Edward would try to bring him back after that. His trust and love for his brother was all he had needed.

Edward stopped in his tracks. He snatched the watch out of pocket. It was seven o'clock.

* * *

><p>Roy stood amongst his troupes, scanning the crowd. He spotted Alphonse towards the back of the group, standing with Kain Fuery. He continued to check. Perhaps he had overlooked, but no matter how many times he searched among the soldiers, he couldn't find the one he had most hoped to see.<p>

"Alright, men," Roy commanded. He was instantly rewarded with the unit's undivided attention. "Let's get this show on the road, shall we?"

Everyone seemed fairly excited. While no one ever wished for war or conflict, they were happy to have something to busy themselves with besides paperwork and simple routines. The opportunity to travel wasn't a bad perk, either.

The soldiers began to board the train in an orderly manner, but in no particular hurry. As Roy watched them, Alphonse caught his eye. The look on his face made his own heart sink.

When more than half of the group had boarded, he approached the young man. He smiled halfheartedly, and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Don't look so down," Roy said. "Everything will be fine."

"Is he really not coming?" Alphonse asked.

Roy's smile disappeared. "I..don't know. Although, if he really planned on being here, he should have met up with us by now."

Alphonse frowned, dejected. "I wonder if I did something. The last time I saw him, he seemed pretty upset, and we haven't spoken since. I just wish there was something I could do. He's my brother, sir. I love him."

"I know. You just have to realize that sometimes there's nothing you can do for someone. They have to learn to help themselves. Don't blame yourself, Al. I'm sure he'll come around soon. He's had it rough. You both have. He probably just needs space. There's no way of knowing what's going on with him."

"I guess you're right."

Roy ruffled Alphonse's hair. "Go ahead and board. I'll be in shortly."

Alphonse nodded, and followed the remaining soldiers into the train. Roy stood, alone, staring at the entrance to the station. He expected some sort of miracle that he knew would never come. Still, he had hope.

"Your highness," the conductor called. "Are you ready, sir?"

"Yes," Roy replied. "Just give me a moment, please." He watched the entrance for a minute longer. When nothing happened, he turned on his heel, and headed towards the train.

"Wait!"

He spun around, and saw a sickly-looking blonde man rushing toward him, with a medical bag in one hand and a suitcase in the other.

Roy gasped as Edward came to him, doubling over as he reached him.

"Sorry I'm late," Edward panted. "I..had some stuff to take care of. I'm still invited, right?" He shot Roy a sarcastic grin.

Roy smiled back. "Well, whether you were or not, you'd still come, wouldn't you?"

Ed nodded.

Roy laughed. "Alright, get in there before I drag you in myself."

The two of them walked together, with Roy's hand on Edward's shoulder, and boarded the train. As they entered, Edward saw his brother, whose eyes suddenly lit up.

"Ed!" Alphonse called excitedly.

Edward sat with his brother, and the Fuhrer sat across from them. "You ready?" Edward asked.

"Yeah," Alphonse replied. "Just like old times"


End file.
